Friday, 6 July 2018

Ch 92 Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Chapter 92 -- No More Than 3 Silver Coins Each


"I've gotta make an offering to the Goddesses soon or they're gonna start bothering me again." I suddenly realised. It was evening, I'd finished eating, Fer was resting in the inn's beast stables and Sui was sleeping peacefully in her bag, dreaming away. Better get it over with. I'd just opened Net Super to start selecting items for the offering when a Voice sounded in my head.

"Hoy, other-world-guy-kun, can you hear me? Send us offerings and be quick about it." That didn't sound like Deplorable-sama--

"Is this Agni-sama speaking to me?"

"Yup." She sounded impatient but maybe that's how she always sounded.

"I am just about to get you all some offerings," I explained. "Please wait a moment."

"Right then, and send me two cans of beer like you were drinking earlier."

"Hold on, am I supposed to send you alcohol? I thought I was told alcohol was a no-no last time I made an offering..."

"This is Ninril." Ah, deplorable goddess-sama, right on cue. "This one time it's all right, as a special case. But only two cans, mind."

A special case? I suppose if it's like that then it should be fine but--.

"Oh, and while you're about it, well, you remember that it was me, Ninril, who was the Goddess who first gave you her blessing so, well, because of that I want you to increase the amount of sweets you send us. Dorayaki especially, no limit on those, you know. Oh, but keep this confidential and don't let the others know I told you to do it."

Ninril-sama, what are you asking for this time, and why are you being so sneaky about it? Everyone should get a fair share, that was what you all agreed last time--

"Me, me. Earth Goddess Kishar here. Hey, other-world-guy-kun, it was pretty interesting seeing the stuff you're selling down there. That soap, shampoo and conditioner and wow! those hair wraps  too. I want you to send some of that to me as well~. Pleeeease." the new voice hesitated for a moment. "Oh, and don't tell the other Goddesses about this."

...Kishar-sama, you too? I'm disappointed in you. I thought that Ninril-sama was the only deplorable Goddess...

"...it's me, Rusalka. Food looks delicious. I also want to eat food. Give me food. This is a secret."

Ruka-sama... Are all the Goddesses of this world the same? Are they all deplorable-samas? They're telling me to send them things and to keep it a secret from the others but--

"Ahem-. Goddess-samas, I hate to break it to you but you're all demanding special items and wanting me to keep it secret from the others. You do realise that I'll be sending the offerings all in one go and you'll all see everything I sent when it arrives?"

There was a long pause.

"Ha-, you got a point".

"Oops, that's true."

"...Eheheh..."

"Hey you lot, what were you trying to pull?" Agni-sama sounded mad.

"No, no, Agni,  it's just..."

"Oh, ummm, you see, it's like, you know, ahhh..."

"............"

"You mean that you all requested other things you wanted?" Agni-sama sounded like she was about to blow her top. The Goddess of Fire, did that include volcanoes in her job description? "You sneaky--. Right then, If it's like that then I get what I want too."

"Does that mean alcohol? I've told you before why that's a bad idea."

"That's right, absolutely no alcohol, we agreed you know."

"...Booze, no good"

"Humph. They asked for what they wanted, why am I in the wrong for doing the same?" I distinctly heard the sound of knuckles cracking. "Right then, other-world-guy-kun, I want alcohol. Beer, premium beer, two cans and right away."

"I still say it's a bad idea."

"That's right, you know."

"...Not good"

The voices of the selfish Goddess-samas resounded in my aching head. I figured I had to step in or they'd go on arguing like this for eternity with me stuck in the middle listening to them bicker. I shuddered, no way. I tuned them out temporarily while I came up with a plan. Snacks up to three hundred yen? Yeah, that might work, after all they're acting like elementary schoolkids on a class outing...

"Hey hey, everyone quiet down." I interrupted. "Last time I made an offering, you all shared what I sent you, right? "

"No, that's..."

"But, I want something to make me more beautiful, not just sweets..."

"Sweets are good, but food..."

"Beer and snacks are better than confectionery..."

Huh, everyone wants what they want and they don't want to share. Elementary schoolkids? Nope, kindergardeners. I sighed.

"Okay, I understand. Each of you now wants me to offer you different things, right?" Silence, which I took to be agreement. "It's impossible for me to offer up infinite amounts of anything, yes?" Silence again. "So if you tell me what you want and it only costs up to three silver coins each then I will offer it to you."

The Goddesses would argue forever, literally if I didn't lay down some rules about the offerings. Setting a budget and spending the same amount for each of them was one way to make it seem fair.

"Three silver coins, that's too little you know. I tell you it should be more than that."

"Oh, only three silver coins, not enough..."

"I want a little bit more..."

"...(nods vigorously)"

"Nope, three silver coins worth of weekly offerings each, I think that's enough." I had to be firm. They seemed to be willing to accept the idea of a budget which was something to be thankful for but I was making a big concession, agreeing to spend as much as three silver coins each on their offerings as it was. Time to finish it.

"If you don't like that idea then I'll return your blessings and we can call it quits..." I bluffed.

"Wait, wait, waitwaitwait. You can give us offerings worth three silver coins. Three silver coins are enough, please!"

"Well, okay. Three silver coins are enough. We can accept that."

"Oh, ah. Thumbs up, three silver coins of offerings a week are enough."

"...Good with only 3 silver coins."

They all agreed quickly and I breathed a (silent) sigh of relief. For some reason the omnipotent Goddesses who could read my thoughts and see my every action had fallen for my bluff. Could I actually return the blessings after they'd been bestowed anyway?

"Right then, I'll take your requests, each in turn please. If you all ask at once I won't know who wants what."

"Well, I gave you my blessing before the others did, and I'm also the oldest Goddess here so me first." Ninril-sama, are you really the Goddess-sempai? Surely not...

"I desire sweets. Dorayaki, as much as possible." Well, that's simple, just like Ninril-sama. Uh, not simple, ummm consistent. If she keeps eating such sweet things she'll soon be overweight but that's her choice. I bought ten pieces of dorayaki from the Net Super along with assorted cakes, pudding and chocolate and then I added a sweet cola drink to the shopping cart so that the order came to 3 silver coins in total. One down.

"Who is next?" I asked.

"If you go by age, it's me, Kishar. What I want is the soap, shampoo, conditioner and hair masks you recently started selling."

"Oh, that's no problem but there are various kinds of shampoo and conditioner depending on your hair type and  its condition. You understand?"

"Huh? Are there truly so many kinds?" Kishar-sama seemed amazed.

"Yes, there are dozens of different treatments to deal with all sorts of hair problems. If you don't mind, can you tell me about the current state of your hair and I can perhaps choose what's most suitable for you, Kishar-sama."

"Really? Well, right now my hair is very dry and frizzy. It's a pain making it presentable every morning."

It sounded like her hair was lacking moisture and with split ends. What she needed to deal with that was a non-silicone oil shampoo, a moisturising conditioner to match and a premium hair wrap treatment which cost nine copper coins each. I added in three pieces of rose-scented soap for the remaining 3 copper coins and that was 3 silvers exactly. Two down.

"Right, who's next?"

"Oh, that's me, Agni here. I would like all sorts of booze but I've agreed to limit myself to two cans of premium beer, oh and some snacks to go with them. The rest of the offering, make it sweets."

Agni-sama wants premium beer, snacks and sweets. The packaged nibbles I could get from the Net Super to go with beer, things like dried fish weren't very appetizing but... yep, I still had a good quantity of hot potato fries that I made earlier in my Item Box. They'd go nicely with a premium beer. How much would they cost though? Hmmm, as a prepared dish I priced the fries at two copper coins each. Another copper coin would buy a fried mincemeat cake... ah, the dish wouldn't come back from the offering, can I get paper plates? I placed my order in the Net Super and finally I had two cans of premium beer, a paper plate of potato fries and three fried mincemeat cakes on another paper plate. I made up the rest of the offering with cakes and pastries like I bought for Ninril-sama. That should be OK. Three down.

"Next is me. Sweets and food."

The last Goddess was Ruka-sama, who wanted sweets and food. I assumed she wanted to eat the sort of things she had seen Fer, Sui and me eating. So, fried cutlets and fried mincemeat cakes and, quick check, yes I still had Cheese In chicken katsu and Cheese In hamburger in my Item Box ready to go. I bought 3 onigiri and 6 bread rolls from the Net Super to go with them, each costing one copper coin. The Cheese In chicken katsu was a bit big, so I priced it at 2 coppers each and the hamburger just one copper each. Everything laid out on paper plates came to one silver and 5 copper coins. The rest would buy sweets, cakes, pastries etc. like Ninril-sama and Agni-sama's offerings.

I prepared four separate cardboard-box altars and put the offerings for each Goddess on them.

"Right then, I'll get started. First of all is Ninril-sama's preferred sweets. Please accept my offering." It wasn't very prayer-like but deplorable-goddess-sama's offering disappeared promptly anyway. I faced the next cardboard-box altar.

"My offering to Kishar-sama, your desired soap and the shampoo treatment I recommended. This is more luxurious than the shampoo and conditioner I sold to Lambert-san so please give it a try." Kishar-sama's offerings disappeared in a similar manner to Ninril-sama's. I turned to the third altar and bowed my head.

"Agni-sama, I offer to you beer and snacks and sweets. The snacks are food I made myself. I think they go well with beer and I hope you enjoy them. Please eat them with my best wishes." Agni-sama's offering vanished.

"Finally, I make my offering of food and sweets to Ruka-sama." I bowed to the last altar. "I also made some of this food, the bread rolls and the onigiri make good side dishes." Ruka-sama's offering were gone when I looked up again.

"Well, please decide what you want next time and be sure it will be properly within the budget." I reminded the Goddesses before they started in on my offerings.

"I understand, you know." Mmmble...

"Understood, yeah." Sniff...

"Gotcha." Psssshhh...

"..." (chewing vigorously)

I wasn't sure the Goddesses were really listening to me since they had other things on their mind right then but I just hoped next time I had to make an offering would be a bit easier. Three of them were noisy and annoying like teenagers but the last one, Ruka-sama was quiet and reserved. I suppose since she's the youngest that's understandable but the other three were truly deplorable. Good grief.

As I was considering the evening's events the oracle ended and the Goddesses' voices were abruptly cut off.

"Fuuuuh~. Finally finished". I stretched. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. G'night.

22 comments:

  1. Thanks!!!∧_∧
    ..Ne━━(´∀`)━━pu!!!
        /   ヽ
       / 人  \\ 彡
      ⊂ノ )   ヽ⊃
         / 人 (
        (_ノ (__)

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  2. The no-goddesses again. Lol... This is hilarius.

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  3. lol

    "..." (chewing vigorously)

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  4. Where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth shattering KABOOOOMMMMMM

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  5. in before male gods get in on this

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  6. Lots of fun. Enjoyed this chapter. Thanks very much.

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  7. It's interesting the way he is cowardly afraid of monsters (which judging by the reactions from the people from the guild is the correct reaction) but when it comes to the goddesses which are the strongest beings of that world (even fer is a little afraid of them) he just treat them just like kids and it's not in the slightest afraid of angering them ahah I wish fer had seen their interaction just now

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    Replies
    1. They could presumably get another Fer if he annoyed them sufficiently. Obtaining another Hero with access to Net Super is very unlikely to happen, and both sides seem to be less annoyed by the arrangement than they are claiming.

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  8. Thanks 4 the chapter!

    Abruptly cut off? That doesn't sound good.

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  9. I just thought of something. The goddesses think they're all being sneaky getting these offerings without the Creation God knowing... I think they already know. I mean his net-super skill is practically making items out of nothing. A creation skill, that was probably granted by the creation god?

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    1. Perhaps the creation god was tired of handing out "gifts" to the various kids under him. Mukouda is the perfect patsy.

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    2. Good grief, everyone's using Mukouda, even the Creation God! XD

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  10. The godly waifus appear.

    Thanks for the chapter
    Lali~ho!

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  11. i think the PSHHH sound from opening a beer can triggered a certain god there somewhere lol

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  12. YESSSS! He finally put his foot down! Now that there is an established budget, my pet peeve has been resolved. I can't wait for the male gods to show up now! Thanks for the chapter!

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  13. Meatbun Delivery~
    Thank you for the chapter ( ●w●)

    Gods convenience store is going to have a grand opening next week~

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  14. Haha it's always a hilarious chapter when the deplorable goddess (es) appear! As always thanks a lot for another superb chapter Albedo-sama!

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  15. Well... I was wonder what will happen when heroes or some sort of oracle wanted to contact the goddesses... I imagine like, what? I'm busy, ask me next time..

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