Ch 156 Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Chapter 156 -- Let's Wash Off That Dungeon Grime


After we left the Adventurers Guild I asked Fer to come with me to a quiet place outside the city.

"It's time I brushed and washed you again." I explained. We had spent weeks in the dungeon and I couldn't get a bath there myself but Fer's fur was truly filthy since I never had the time or the opportunity in the dungeon to groom him. It was time to make his coat gleam again, I had decided. I got the big dog brush out of my Item Box as Fer eyed me warily.

"Do you really have to?" he half-whined as I started to carefully brush his coat out.

“Well yes." I said as I worked my way down his back. "There were swamps and deserts in the dungeon, remember, so your coat's really dirty.”

"Nuuuu, I don't think I'm really that dirty..."

“No, no, your coat’s really really dirty. I can feel it, your hair is tangled and your paws and legs are totally encrusted with mud." I kept working at his coat with the brush, figuring that stopping to argue with him would just waste time. He kept muttering under his breath but put up with my efforts. I couldn't understand it really, didn't he like being clean and, well, handsome-looking? He wasn't Japanese, I suppose... Cleaning around Fer's lower legs and paws was a lot of work but finally I finished brushing the mud and dust and mats out of his long hair and it was time to wash him.

"Sui, I need to make hot water so can you fill my bath for me?" I would do it the same way I had done before, add a small Fireball to a bath tub of cold water to make the water warm enough to wash Fer's large body properly.

"I understand-" Sui-chan agreed as I reached into my Item Box to get out my bathtub (MY bathtub!)

“Nuu, hot water isn't needed." Fer interrupted. "I'm okay with cold water, just get it over with.”

"But won't it be too cold for you, washing with cold water? You could catch a chill." It wasn't particularly warm around Doran right now so was washing in cold water really a good idea?

"Moron." Fer said dismissively. "Just who do you think I am? Just getting soaked in cold water isn't going to hurt me. I've got Ninril-sama's blessing, remember? I won't get sick. Just hurry it up will you?"

"Eh, you gonna wash the big guy with cold water?" Dora-chan asked, buzzing around Fer's body inquisitively. Of course, I remembered, he hadn't yet joined our group the last time I had washed Fer. "Hot water feels a lot better, big guy but if you don't want it that way then we'll be able to get our own bath sooner." It seems that Dora-chan really liked bathing.

"Yeah, the quicker you finish washing me the better, so hurry it up." Fer agreed. "Get it over with, will ya?"

“Yeah yeah, I'll wash you quickly with cold water then.”

"Good." Fer closed his eyes, ready for the dreaded onslaught.

“Sui, can you spray Fer like you did last time?"

"Is it OK, Fer-ojichan-?" Sui-chan asked.

"Umu. Go ahead, Sui." Fer braced himself.

"I understand-" Sui sprayed water all over Fer's coat from her tentacle until he was thoroughly soaked. I rubbed lots of the vet-recommended high-quality pet shampoo (remembering not to mention it was particularly good for kittens and puppies within Fer's hearing range) into his coat, starting with the fur on his back.

"Hey, harder!" Fer insisted, his body shivering as I worked the shampoo deep into his coat with my fingers. Yeah yeah. I pushed deeper and harder, forcing the detergent down towards the roots of his long hair.

“Put more effort into it.” Fer admonished me, his body twitching and squirming under my hands. Was the shampoo making his skin itch? It wasn't supposed to, I thought to myself as I washed and washed and washed, working as hard as I could but Fer kept telling me to apply more and more force.

"Harder than that, you." Yeah yeah. I worked my way across his giant body thinking that if he really wanted a quick wash why was he ordering me to slow down to put more effort into the shampooing process? Could it be, I stifled a snigger, that he was actually enjoying the massage? Surely not, the Great And All-powerful Fenrir currently covered in sweet-smelling foamy bubbles was not the sort of creature that would enjoy being man-handled by a mere human, was he? I carefully kept my thoughts to myself as I followed his instructions to rub here with more effort and apply more pressure there and so on. Finally it was done, with the exception of his face and muzzle since I didn't want to get shampoo in his eyes.

“Okay, good. Sui, spray water over Fer again please."

"Yes-" Sui-chan's shower attachment tentacle rinsed the shampoo bubbles from Fer's coat. Just the last bit to do, but was I forgetting something important? Never mind, it'll come to me, I thought to myself.

"Fer, we'll wash your face now." I warned him.

"Nuuuu, do it quick." Fer scrunched up his eyes even more, dreading the faint spritz of water to come.

"Sui, can you put a weak spray of water on Fer's face? Like a bit of rain, nothing harder OK?" I didn't want Sui-chan to unleash a Water Cutter or anything like that by accident. It probably wouldn't hurt Fer but I didn't want to take the chance. What was I forgetting though?

"Yes, I understand-" Sui-chan's tentacle sprayed a gentle stream of water on Fer's face, washing the dirt and grime from his muzzle and around his eyes. I watched shining fur emerge from the muck-encrusted features of Fer's face, wondering how he could stand being so unclean for so long. Finally it was done.

“Okay, Sui, that's enough.” Sui-chan stopped.

"Fuuu-, finally finished?" I saw Fer's water-soaked body tense and I suddenly remembered that important thing. No!

“Fer! Wait a minute." I said urgently. "Don't shake yourself dry until we get well away from you. OK?" Fer froze then relaxed. Sui-chan and I backed quickly away from Fer with Dora-chan flying along with us, obviously puzzled at our reticence. When I judged we were well out of the blast radius I said "On you go!"

Fer shook his massive body, spraying water in all directions like the first time I washed him. This time though I was not in range, just. A few seconds later I felt the warm air of Fer's Wind magic as he completed the process of drying his coat. I didn't need to get out the very large pet towel I had bought originally to dry him.

“Right then, are we going to have a bath as well?” I asked, already reaching into my Item Box for the you-know-what (MY you-know what!)

"Yup." said Dora-chan excitedly.

"Yay-" Sui-chan chimed in.

As we started to get ready for our own bath, the now completely dry Fer was pacing back and forth, obviously agitated for some reason. "If you're all taking a bath then I'm going hunting." he finally said.

“Uh, that's fine but remember you've just got cleaned up so don’t get dirty again too quickly.”

"Nuuu, you don't have to tell me." No Fer, I do have to tell you. Never mind, I could always buy more shampoo from the Net Super. Thinking about shopping I made a request.

"If you're going hunting see if you can bring back some bird-type monsters, like Rock Bird or Cockatrice. We don't have much bird meat left." I felt a bit like an okaasan asking a surly teenager to go to the supermarket for ingredients for dinner but I figured he would agree. It had been a while since we had eaten bird meat after all.

"I got you." He was distracted now, his head swivelling from side to side as, I presume, he was searching the local area for suitable prey.

"Oh, and take this." I took out the middle-sized magic bag from my Item Box. It had a strap across its mouth like a shoulder bag so Fer could easily carry it while he was hunting.

"That magic bag thing?" Fer asked as I hung it around his neck.

"Yeah, it will come in handy. You can put your prey in it so you can bring a lot of monsters back in one go." Fer could usually only bring back one monster at a time in his mouth. The alternative to him using the bag to store them was for him to drag me to where he had piled up mountains of subjugated monsters and have me load them into my Item Box, and I really wanted to have my bath in peace.

"Umu, that's a good idea. I'll borrow it." Fer said before dashing off into the surrounding forest but not before I got him to set up his Barrier for us. Safety first after all.

* * * * *

"Fuuu, this feels good."

"Ahhh, really great!"

"Feeling good, aruji-"

After Fer disappeared into the forest I quickly organised filling the bath and warming up the water and then washed myself down. Now Dora-chan, Sui and me were taking it easy, immersed in the tub's hot soothing water. Dora-chan and Sui-chan were floating like rubber ducks, bobbing up and down while I stretched out in the tub (OUR tub). To celebrate our conquest of Doran's dungeon I had added a deluxe bubbly carbon dioxide bath salt from the Net Super, supposedly beneficial for tiredness. I felt warm and relaxed, my body losing its tenseness. It smelled good, too. Finally-

"I'm done, I think. Want to get out now?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Yeees-"

We all got out of the bath. After I dried myself off, changed into fresh clothes and cleaned up the tub I bought fruit milk for Dora-chan and Sui and coffee for me from the Net Super. Ahhhh!

Suddenly I heard children's voices off in the forest, coming closer. What the-?

"He- HELP!"

"Kyaaa-!"

A boy and a girl, around 10 years old, ran into the clearing, looking frantically behind them and not seeing us standing there.

“Run away, Eris. I'll distract them!" the boy shouted.

“I'm not leaving you!” the girl replied.

Why they were running for their lives became clear very quickly as five pursuing Orcs broke through the underbrush behind them into the clearing.

"Dora-chan, Sui!" I shouted, pointing at the Orcs.

"Yup, leave 'em to me." Dora-chan said, taking to the air.

"Sui will help-" Sui-chan's sniper tentacle swung onto target.

Thunk thunk, thunk. Dora-chan's small figure wreathed in Fire magic punched straight through the bodies of three of the Orcs while Splat! Splat! Sui-chan's Acid Bullets dealt with the remaining two pursuers.

"Hoi, are you two all right?" I went over to the two kids who were standing frozen, stunned at seeing the Orcs dealt with so easily. No reply so I tried again.

“Hey, the Orcs are dead, they can't harm you now." The boy and girl looked at me with fear-stricken expressions. "Where did you two come from?" I asked. We were some distance from the city. Why would young children be wandering through a dangerous forest like this? Was there an adult with them? The boy and the girl both started sobbing. I realised just how scary it would be to be that age and get chased by Orcs but it was over now, wasn't it? Why had they just started crying now?

"Uwaaah, waaaah waaah waaah!"

"Uh, uh, hey hey hey..." I was never very good at dealing with kids and my attempts to console them weren't doing much good when suddenly Fer reappeared from the surrounding forest.

"What's up with these brats?" Fer growled. This didn't help as the children's crying redoubled at the sight of yet another obviously dangerous monster.

"Oh, ah, this is..." I tried to explain to the distraught kids. "Look, it's okay, he's my contracted monster and he won't hurt you or anything." They weren't listening though. Fer spotted the five dead Orcs at the edge of the clearing. "Hey, what are those doing here?" he said loudly, causing the kids to start screaming. Oh great.

"Hey Fer, keep quiet will you?" I sent to Fer telepathically while I bent down in front of the two kids in yet another attempt to comfort them. As they focused on me, I reached over and petted Fer's head like a puppy. I saw their eyes widen in surprise and their sobbing stopped.

“You're safe now." I told them in a quiet and hopefully reassuring voice. I patted Fer's head again, ignoring his telepathic mutterings. I was pretty sure he wouldn't bite my hand off as he was promising. "Fer here is my contracted monster. He won't do anything to hurt you. Really."